Jimmy Kimmel has had it with all the Kate Middleton conspiracy theories and undue attention, urging the press and public to “leave this woman alone” during his opening monologue last night.

“We finally got a royal update on Kate Middleton,” Kimmel said during the opening of last night’s Jimmy Kimmel Live! on ABC. “There’s a very simple explanation for Kate Middleton’s whereabouts: She’s been working from home. How does a princess work from home? ‘I’m just going to stay in and wave at people?’”

Kimmel’s monologue then took on a slightly more serious tone. “Maybe it’s because I’m American but I don’t understand the craziness around this. Why do we have to know where she is? It’s not like she’s the bus driver. She had an operation. She had abdominal surgery, maybe she has a colostomy bag and doesn’t want everybody to see it. I mean, really. People are demanding she get dressed up and march through London so we can have a look at her. Leave this woman alone!”

Then Kimmel ended with a joke. “You know what I would do if I was Kate Middleton? I’d hire Shohei Ohtani’s interpreter. Run all the inquiries through him.”

The worldwide speculation about the Princess of Wales, wife of Prince William, surged earlier this month when an official photo of Middleton and her children was released on UK Mothers Day, only to be rejected by news agencies for its obvious digital manipulation. Since then, infrequent public sightings of the Princess have drawn conspiracy theories ranging from further phony photos to a Middleton doppelgänger.

Watch Kimmel’s take below. The Middleton comments come around the 1:47 mark.