In his fifth time hosting Saturday Night Live — fresh off a Cold Open featuring a who’s who of SNL royalty inducting him into the coveted Five Timers Club — Martin Short had a few tips for the stressed cast members of the late-night sketch show on how to deal with holiday-related stress.
The Only Murders in the Building star’s opening monologue featured a Yuletide satirical carol, a musical extravaganza that recommends ushering in some Christmas cheer via pharmaceutical means.
“So you need a new prescription / just to get through Christmas / take a little edge off / make sense of your existence / just you need a new prescription / to fly higher than Blitzen / don’t snort snow and don’t smoke holly / here’s my plan to make you jolly,” Short begins in his song, dedicated to Sarah Sherman, Kenan Thompson, Heidi Gardner, Ego Nwodim and Bowen Yang.
In the sprawling and festive number, Short journeys backstage — passing by Emma Stone chatting with Kristen Wiig — telling a psychiatrist that he has recurring nightmares where “I’m eating Armie Hammer.” Afterward, he’s shown throwing a child off Santa’s lap, telling Old Saint Nick that while he wants world peace, what he really needs is Preparation H. He continues via song, advocating for people to get those meds before RFK Jr. hikes up the prices and warning “but nothing from the Sacklers.”
In the most boisterous of moments, he passes executive producer Lorne Michaels, who is standing alongside Jimmy Fallon. “God I’m attracted to you,” Short screams out before passionately making out with Fallon for an extended period of time, who in turn bemoans to Michaels, “You never kiss me like that anymore.”
But back to the rousing finale, which includes Short back on stage with bombastic drums and a Rockettes-style kick line: “Yes we need tranquilization / pharmaceutical correction / and drug-induced amnesia / regarding the election / and preferably something / that won’t kill my erection.”
Aside from the holiday number, Short’s monologue included a few digs at Elon Musk and Donald Trump (whose relationship he likened to his with Michaels, only “without the sexual tension”), as well as co-star and longtime friend Steve Martin, who “had a conflict with me not wanting him to be here, and besides, it’s rehearsal week for The Masked Singer.”
Watch the full opening number below: